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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22757485">What about you, Master Burglar?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mo6918/pseuds/Mo6918'>Mo6918</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>What you find on the road [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Short One Shot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:21:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,478</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22757485</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mo6918/pseuds/Mo6918</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a little banter around the fire.<br/>Some dwarves would go for elves, others would not. Of course, the company is interested in who Bilbo would rather take to bed. </p><p>Not beta read.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>What you find on the road [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1637008</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>289</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What about you, Master Burglar?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>„I could <em>never</em> go for an elvish woman”, Dwalin grunted, disgust written on his face as plain as the runes on his scalp.</p><p>“And I’m not saying you have to”, Kili replied, taking a sip from his drink and repeating once more, what he had said before. “All I’m saying is that <em>I </em>could go for an elvish girl.”</p><p>“If you ever learn to tell them from the males, that is”, Fili piped up and received a harsh elbow to the ribs.</p><p>“Anyone could’ve made that mistake”, Kili claimed, but his nose turned just the slightest shade of pink. Bilbo, who said right across the fire shook his head and smiled to himself, looking around the circle of dwarves, comfortably seated around their makeshift camp.  His gaze fell upon Thorin, who was finishing his stew, the corners of his lips twitching slightly. His demeanor had changed over the course of the journey. The surly dwarren who’d scowled at every sign of enjoyment in the company had loosened up and he had started listening to the stories, instead of staring solemnly into the distance, had even started joining the banter here and there. It was a rather agreeable development, as far as Bilbo Baggins was concerned. Only, tonight he would have preferred Thorin not to join the conversation that had been brought about, no doubt, by young dwarves having travelled to long with too little entertainment. And even the older ones in the company didn’t seem to mind a bit of friendly chatting about certain pleasures in life.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re pretty and all”, Bofur said, “But I’d never touch one, female or otherwise. Too much skin and bones. What about you, Bilbo?”</p><p>“Wha-wha- what?”, Bilbo blinked rapidly, coming out of his thoughts and back into the conversation which he had left early enough to avoid involvement. “What about me?”</p><p>“Who’d you rather have? Elf? Or dwarf?”</p><p>“Me”, Bilbo exclaimed, raising his hands in a defensive manner, a small chuckle escaping his lips in an attempt to laugh the nervous search for an escape route away, when…</p><p>“Yes, you, Master Burglar”, chimed in Thorin and Bilbos gaze flew to him, back to Bofur and then back to Thorin in a double take, making sure he hadn’t imagined the small smile and the twinkle of mischievous amusement in the blue eyes of the next king under the mountain.</p><p>“Me”, Bilbo repeated incredulously, as if asking his opinion on the matter was the least sensible of all paths. As if they were asking about his beard grooming practice when it was plain as day, that he had no facial hair to groom.</p><p>“You’re an outsider”, Thorin said reasonably, “Put an end to this discussion. Who’d you favourite: A dwarf or an elf?” The ice blue opals of the dwarf had locked Bilbo’s down, who could do nothing but purse his lips, weighing his chances of getting out of this.</p><p>“You seemed awfully fond of the Elves in Rivendell”, Ori’s light voice sounded over the crackling of the fire and broke the eye-contact by means of drawing Thorin’s gaze. The bushy eyebrows of the black haired furrowed slightly. Bilbo began to nod slowly and then wiggle his nose, making up his mind at last.</p><p>“Well”, he said, turning to Ori. “Elves are rather popular in the shire”, he explained brightly. Even without looking at Thorin, he could see the warrior did nothing to hide his displeasure, rolling his eyes and scoffing quietly.</p><p>“They’re held in high esteem for their politeness, their gift of music and art, their hospitality and the stories they bring, when they cross the borders of the shire. Any Hobbit would gladly host an Elf and share their meal with them, in exchange for song and stories.”</p><p>Balin smiled understanding, while half the dwarves, including their leader, looked like their drinks had suddenly gone stale or sour.</p><p>“If this is your way of trying not to hurt our feelings by saying you’d prefer a woodland sprite to a respectable lady of the mountains, you’re not doing the best of jobs, Mr. Boggins”, Kili said, half jokingly.</p><p>“Ah, our burglar wouldn’t recognize a dwarren lady if she sat right in front of him”, Fili mused and his brother next to him fell into a fit of laughter, most of the dwarves joining in with roaring laughter. Bilbo gave nothing but a short smile. He didn’t see how this was so funny, other than in light of the visit in Rivendell where Kili had mistakenly tried to seduce an elf, only to be told he was making a move on a man and freaking out for the rest of the night.</p><p>“So you’d pick the Elf, then?”, asked Thorin, and the laughter died down, expectant faces turned toward Bilbo, who looked around, feeling rather like a very small animal surrounded by very large animals with very large teeth.</p><p>“No, no.”, he then said quickly, his nose wiggling once more. “All I was saying is, that I respect Elves. They are fascinating, really. But I never thought about them in terms of… marriage. Let alone… bedroom matters.” He coughed once and cleared his throat, trying to hide the rising heat in his cheeks behind it. He wasn’t necessarily <em>shy</em>, it was just a little new and a little awkward to talk about such things with a group of dwarves staring at him.</p><p>“So you’d pick the dwarf, then?”, Thorin asked and the corners of his mouth were twitching again. Bilbo stared at him for a moment, then he offered a shrug and a “Yeah”, his mouth feeling rather dry, as he added: “Anytime”, quickly looking down, clearing his throat again and taking a big sip from his flask.</p><p>“Although I expect”, he said, staring intently into the flames, until his eyes burned more than the gaze of a certain dwarf lord on his face, “That I wouldn’t find the dwarven women to be any less…stubborn, unreasonable, childish and… entirely nerve-wrecking.”</p><p>“No”, said Kili brightly, “You certainly would not.” The dwarves laughed again and Bilbo felt their attention slipping away from him, leaving him more air to breathe and less heat in his cheeks.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“That was an enlightening little chat”, said a voice next to him, as Bilbo brushed carefully through Minty’s mane, occasionally whispering to the pony in adoration. He threw a side-glance at Thorin who had stepped up next to him, a pipe in his hand.</p><p>“It was stupid”, corrected Bilbo, trying to focus on the movements of his own hands, rather than on the tall, broad man next to him and the soft crackling of the pipe as he dragged the smoke into his lungs. He found it quite impossible and turned, pointing an accusing brush at the dwarf. “You of all people!”, he complained in a low hiss. “Mister ‘would you please keep it down’ and ‘Now is not the right time’!”</p><p>To his annoyance, Thorin turned to him with one of his brightest smiles yet. “Does that bother you so much?”</p><p>“I-“</p><p>“Having to keep it down?”</p><p>“Wha- No! That was not… I wasn’t…” Thorin chuckled, turned away and nodded his head toward the line of trees. The circle of flickering light that marked their camp ended before the thick branches.</p><p>“Walk with me, Master Burglar”, the king-to-be demanded softly, starting without looking behind him to see if Bilbo followed. The Hobbit hesitated for a moment, half a mind to stay rooted to the ground and refuse, but his feet seemed to obey his heart, rather than his mind and followed the steps of the black-haired, falling in line with him.</p><p>“I understand your reasoning not to alert the others perfectly. What I don’t understand is why you have to poke holes into your own shelter of secrecy.”</p><p>“Can’t a dwarf change his mind?”</p><p>“Excuse me?”</p><p>Thorin had stopped and turned to face Bilbo. He had emptied and pocketed his pipe. “I have been wrong before”, he continued, “Maybe I am sick of sneaking away into the night like a misbehaving 60 year-old. And maybe I like to ruffle your feathers.”</p><p>Bilbo scoffed, but he could not help but return the smile that played on the dwarf’s lips, as he teased him.</p><p>“You are a… terrible nuisance, Thorin Oakenshield.” He took a step forward and saw the arms of the tall Durinson extend slightly, pushing the hilt of his sword out of the way in the process. Bilbo all but melted into the embrace, wiggling his nose as he got comfortable, leaning against the chest of the black-haired, whose long nose he could feel burrowing into his soft curls, breathing warmly onto his scalp. Bilbo closed his eyes. How could he not allow this man to nettle him, when he provided him with such warmth, such comfort and the feeling of a hundred butterflies dancing merrily in his stomach.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>===<br/>Thank you for lending this a bit of your time.<br/>The world needs more Thorin / Bilbo Fluff. There is never enough.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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